Incredibly Specific Queer Perfume Recommendations: Scent for a Gay Beach Day and Scent for a Hot 70s Summer
don't stop 'til you get enough
Helloooo my beautifully scented gay sunshines! It’s time for another edition of Incredibly Specific Queer Perfume Recommendations!
This is a recurring column where I answer some of your questions about perfume and offer up my best recommendations to help you smell hotter, richer, meaner, gayer – whatever you’re going for!
Each column kicks off with a perfume recommendation from me for an incredibly specific queer scenario, and then we get to reader questions.
If you’re new here and wondering why we’re talking about perfume, please check out my Why Perfume post, and then come back here, because I wanna inhale your aura!
Scenario: So it’s Gay Beach day, c’mon hurry! It’s noon, it’s 90 degrees, we’re gonna go sit under the sun surrounded by a bazillion other queers wearing strings of spandex, bring an outfit for dinner later ‘cause we’re going to that place on the water, you do not have time to think about perfume, the cooler’s packed, let’s go!!
Ahh, July. If it would stop RELENTLESSLY RAINING every day of summer for NO REASON here in Minnesota, this could be us right now. We could be going to Gay Beach. Together.
But no. Because I live in an area that averaged a half-inch(!!!) of rain every friggin’ day of June this year, I will simply have to live through you and your Gay Beach days.
You know the feeling: It’s crushingly hot, the sun is a white glare, sand is already sticking to your feet, you’re scanning for a place to put down your towel, oiled-up gay boys are standing around in tiny shorts, sweat’s already trickling behind your knees, you can hear music thumping from multiple bluetooth speakers, the femmes are in an unspoken contest to see who can have the sluttiest one-piece suit, people are showing off the tattoos they didn’t have last year, and you’re about to spend the day dipping in and out of the water, people-watching, drinking out of icy cans, and eating cut-up fruit from reusable containers while applying and reapplying the terrible SPF 50 organic baby sunscreen from the co-op that somehow was the only bottle of sunscreen anyone remembered to bring.
You still want to smell good, though! Of course! Why wouldn’t we have a perfume specifically for a day like this? What, you’re going to just smell like co-op baby sunscreen all day?
Certainly not. We do have a perfume for a day like this, and it’s right here:
“Vacation” by Vacation is the smell of Gay Beach.
Let me get this out of the way: I am annoyed by how much I like this perfume. Vacation was all over my various social feeds for more than a year before I was even willing to give it a chance. I just– OK, I don’t know if you know this, but there is a whole category of perfumes out there designed to smell either faintly or overtly of sunscreen.
And I was pretty sure I already owned… all of them. See, I love perfumes that have a big sunscreen note. I live for them. I love how they immediately conjure up the scent of sun on glistening skin; I love how you can spritz them on in winter and feel instantly transported to a place that has never seen snow, a place where there’s fresh fruit for breakfast and flip-flops are fine and it is acceptable to wear a caftan 24 hours per day.
I did not need another perfume like this – another sunscreen perfume – so no way was Vacation going to get me. Not with their slick marketing campaign and incredible 80s-style packaging. Not with their adorable bottle that only came in a perfect 30 ml size.
I ignored the ads. I didn’t care. I wasn’t going to buy it.
And then I smelled it.
Theydies and gentlethems, Vacation perfume is so completely A Day at Gay Beach that I clutched the tester bottle with my claws and hissed “do you take Apple Pay” at the Ulta checkout girl like an exorcised demon, my eyes rolling back in my head. This perfume smells like sunscreen. Like the best, most expensive sunscreen you’ve ever put on, like soft bananas and bright pineapples and milky coconut, like salty citrus and musk and… you know what, fuck it, one of the notes is “swimsuit Lycra”, and you can smell it.
“Pool water” is another listed note, although I don’t smell that one. But it doesn’t matter – Vacation isn’t just another sunscreen scent; this is a whole-ass day spent at Gay Beach, teeny Speedos included. Spray this on and become one with the sound of waves and thudding distant music; become the drops of condensation on a can of La Croix pulled from the cooler. Vacation is you, glowing at golden hour, a person who’s spent all day finally relaxing in the heat.
Reader Question: “I'd love to wear something with a 70s vibe – something that gives "Harvey Milk is alive, we're downtown, and we've got the happiest natural hair."
-Hannie
What a fucking brief, Hannie!!! So specific! Such a mood! I tore my perfume cabinet apart to help you match this exact feeling you’re describing!!
Y’all, Hannie also added some notes on the form where you can ask me for a perfume recommendation, saying, “Why wouldn't I want to complete my 70s outfits with a fragrance! I feel like 70s gives YSL, and I'd prefer something indie/cheap (broke grad student here).”
Hold onto your hand-knitted poncho, Hannie, because here are my suggestions for a 70s-era hot gay summer:
Musk Amber by Nemat
You want the 70s? YOU GOT ‘EM. This is Musk Amber, the warmest, friendliest-yet-vaguely-mysterious-smelling thing you can put on your body that I know of!! You think I don’t have a tiny roll-on bottle of this in my purse right now? TRY ME, BABY.
According to my mother (who spent all of the 70s out dancing), there was no actual air in the 70s. All of the oxygen was taken over by the smell of cigarettes, cheap musk oil, patchouli, and amber. So much amber!!!
Now, we’re not trying to take anyone’s air. Just steal the vibes, ya know? Musk Amber is a vegan, natural fragrance oil that lasts forever and stays near the skin, so that no one will be able to get a whiff of you until they’re real close. Musk Amber smells cozy, like thick, dark vanilla and old books and soft earth and resins. It is $20, and sorry in advance, but your lovers will try and eat you if you wear this.
Fun fact: In my 20s, I worked at three different Whole Foods stores in the Midwest, and I know for a fact that Nemat’s Amber was the #1 most shoplifted item from the beauty & supplements section.
Eau Sauvage (EDT) by Christian Dior
Eau Sauvage is a “men’s” classic that launched in 1966, and holy hell, is it good. A cool, crisp, aromatic citrus, this is the scent to put on when it’s 10,000 degrees outside and you’ve just stepped out of a cool shower into icy hotel air-conditioning.
Eau Sauvage is a perfume for taking your time getting ready to go out. It’s a new white towel wrapped around your waist; it’s a friend of tight tank tops and open linen button-down shirts. It likes gold chains nestled into cleavage or chest hair; it smells right on someone wearing a lot of metal bracelets and an inherited silver ring.
Eau Sauvage is so fresh, with its opening of lemon and bergamot, basil and rosemary, and so dirty, with notes like patchouli, sandalwood, vetiver, oakmoss, musk, and amber. Running through all of it is the unmistakable sheen of hedione, a jasmine-y floral note that adds a glowing metallic radiance to the whole thing.
Eau Sauvage smells super gay and classic to me – I wouldn’t be surprised if you told me this perfume belonged to Armand from The Birdcage and Harvey Milk himself.
Wild Card Rec: I Am Trash by Etat Libre d’Orange
Hannie, you said you were interested in niche or indie brands, and it doesn’t get much more niche than the world’s first luxury perfume created from actual garbage.
Wait, come back! You won’t believe how it smells!! Should I have said ‘upcycled’????
OK OK: According to the ELDO website, I Am Trash is a perfume made from “exhausted rose petals, already distilled sandalwood chips, and even leftover apples from the food industry to create the most beautiful fruity, floral, and woody blend.”
That’s all fine, and hooray for concepts i guess, but HELLO THIS STUFF SMELLS FANTASTIC. This is hot neon fruit downtown, this is walking into a bodega on an 85-degree afternoon and smelling piles of overripe mangos, this is orange and yellow and red and green vibrant 70s hues, this is tight bell-bottoms and crocheted cropped halters and holding a six-pack of Modelo in the sun! My god, I Am Trash is such a fun, not-sweet summer-party fruit scent that just sniffing it makes me want to put on roller skates (i would die) and head over to the nearest open hydrant to cool off!! Hannie, you gotta try it!!
That’s it for this round of Incredibly Specific Queer Perfume Recommendations! I’ll be back next time to answer more questions.
In the meantime…
Do YOU have a perfume question?
Ask me here on this form that is linked right here!
Bye bb!
This was so good!! I love it when there are more affordable options mixed in! I realize perfume is by nature a luxury product, but it's nice to know things like the Nemat fragrance are available (for free.99 at Whole Foods, apparently).
This makes me want to know your opinion on BPAL (though I apologize if I've brought them up before!). I used to be friends with multiple people who were part of its cult following and were part of groups on FB where you'd trade, sometimes internationally, your little vials of scents for other scents people collected.