I am poor - generationally poor! lifelong poor! worryingly poor! - and I completely expect a host to keep whatever I bring as an offering, smh. It's a GIFT. What is the world coming to??
As a neurodivergent person who is constantly wanting structure for social situations, I find etiquette absolutely alluring. I remember reading several etiquette books aimed at teens growing up. A lot of it was difficult to relate to due to the, y'know, poor thing, but much of it can be useful! I look forward to this as a new column!
(Me looking at the release form section on the submission page and seeing that it could be used for "future projects:" Krista, if your next book is a queer etiquette book I WILL SCREAMMMMM.)
Ok i am thrilled you also like reading about etiquette!! And i put that on the question submission form ~just in case~ I ever use the writing I do here somewhere else; my god a queer etiquette book would be FUN🌈
I grew up with the UK equivalent, Debrett's Etiquette. As I sit on the sofa shovelling food into my mouth I am haunted by the diagram of the two correct ways to eat green peas.
I have located my copy! "It might well be claimed that it is as possible to tell a princess by the way she eats peas as by the way she sleeps on them. Certainly, eating peas is very tricky. In about 1830 it was done with a spoon; it has never been done with a knife, despite what some people like to think. There are two ways to go about it when eating with a knife and fork. One is to spear a couple if you can and then push a few more on to the back of your fork with your knife, but this is not a very pretty sight. The recommended method is to turn your fork over (do not change hands) and simply scoop the peas up, giving them a push, if necessary, with your knife. Afterwards, turn the fork back to its original position, tines downward, and continue eating." There is also an instructional diagram!
This is so interesting!! thank you for looking this up! I always forget that not every country uses a fork like a shovel. I am also now wondering: have peas gone out of style? I don't think I've been presented with a lil' mounded pile of of peas in... a decade? two decades???
You are so welcome! It was fun to revisit the book too, though I discovered that the advice is available online now https://debretts.com/etiquettes/ Peas still seem to be in fashion here in the UK, especially for people with small children and those who still eat meat-and-two-veg style meals. I think most people do use fork as shovel but not when dining with the aristocracy!
I have tried aaaaaaall my life to understand etiquette. My brain wiring is on a very different track. Plus, I was mainly raised by Grandaddy (born in 1895).
My wife (raised by Miss Manners herself) has been trying to teach me these “you should know these!” rules for 40 years.
I have begged her for 40 years to :
1. Show me where the rules are written, and
2. Explain WHY, why, why anyone would make up a rule like that.
UK - in my opinion if you put it in the fridge it’s just for you to drink, and if you put it on the table it’s for everyone! As a host I wouldn’t want people leaving random bottles of stuff at mine either but that might be because I rarely drink.
I am poor - generationally poor! lifelong poor! worryingly poor! - and I completely expect a host to keep whatever I bring as an offering, smh. It's a GIFT. What is the world coming to??
As a neurodivergent person who is constantly wanting structure for social situations, I find etiquette absolutely alluring. I remember reading several etiquette books aimed at teens growing up. A lot of it was difficult to relate to due to the, y'know, poor thing, but much of it can be useful! I look forward to this as a new column!
(Me looking at the release form section on the submission page and seeing that it could be used for "future projects:" Krista, if your next book is a queer etiquette book I WILL SCREAMMMMM.)
Ok i am thrilled you also like reading about etiquette!! And i put that on the question submission form ~just in case~ I ever use the writing I do here somewhere else; my god a queer etiquette book would be FUN🌈
I grew up with the UK equivalent, Debrett's Etiquette. As I sit on the sofa shovelling food into my mouth I am haunted by the diagram of the two correct ways to eat green peas.
oh no, i need to know both ways!! I'm now very concerned my UK pea-eating is shocking
I have located my copy! "It might well be claimed that it is as possible to tell a princess by the way she eats peas as by the way she sleeps on them. Certainly, eating peas is very tricky. In about 1830 it was done with a spoon; it has never been done with a knife, despite what some people like to think. There are two ways to go about it when eating with a knife and fork. One is to spear a couple if you can and then push a few more on to the back of your fork with your knife, but this is not a very pretty sight. The recommended method is to turn your fork over (do not change hands) and simply scoop the peas up, giving them a push, if necessary, with your knife. Afterwards, turn the fork back to its original position, tines downward, and continue eating." There is also an instructional diagram!
This is so interesting!! thank you for looking this up! I always forget that not every country uses a fork like a shovel. I am also now wondering: have peas gone out of style? I don't think I've been presented with a lil' mounded pile of of peas in... a decade? two decades???
You are so welcome! It was fun to revisit the book too, though I discovered that the advice is available online now https://debretts.com/etiquettes/ Peas still seem to be in fashion here in the UK, especially for people with small children and those who still eat meat-and-two-veg style meals. I think most people do use fork as shovel but not when dining with the aristocracy!
I have tried aaaaaaall my life to understand etiquette. My brain wiring is on a very different track. Plus, I was mainly raised by Grandaddy (born in 1895).
My wife (raised by Miss Manners herself) has been trying to teach me these “you should know these!” rules for 40 years.
I have begged her for 40 years to :
1. Show me where the rules are written, and
2. Explain WHY, why, why anyone would make up a rule like that.
You know, I have literally never thought about who originally made up the rules! You make an excellent point, who is responsible, here???
I have no idea who is responsible. My hypothesis is: if you find the OG “mean girl”. Or “patriarchal prick”, you will have the answer
UK - in my opinion if you put it in the fridge it’s just for you to drink, and if you put it on the table it’s for everyone! As a host I wouldn’t want people leaving random bottles of stuff at mine either but that might be because I rarely drink.
Oh interesting! I’ve never heard that before, and now that you mention it, I have seen this happen✨
Taking the drinks with you when you leave is crazy, but I’ve also seen it, in Sweden. :(
noooooo this behavior is spreading across the GLOBE??? it must be stopped!!!