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Gray's avatar

I am poor - generationally poor! lifelong poor! worryingly poor! - and I completely expect a host to keep whatever I bring as an offering, smh. It's a GIFT. What is the world coming to??

As a neurodivergent person who is constantly wanting structure for social situations, I find etiquette absolutely alluring. I remember reading several etiquette books aimed at teens growing up. A lot of it was difficult to relate to due to the, y'know, poor thing, but much of it can be useful! I look forward to this as a new column!

(Me looking at the release form section on the submission page and seeing that it could be used for "future projects:" Krista, if your next book is a queer etiquette book I WILL SCREAMMMMM.)

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Krista's avatar

Ok i am thrilled you also like reading about etiquette!! And i put that on the question submission form ~just in case~ I ever use the writing I do here somewhere else; my god a queer etiquette book would be FUN🌈

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Katharine's avatar

I grew up with the UK equivalent, Debrett's Etiquette. As I sit on the sofa shovelling food into my mouth I am haunted by the diagram of the two correct ways to eat green peas.

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Krista's avatar

oh no, i need to know both ways!! I'm now very concerned my UK pea-eating is shocking

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Katharine's avatar

I have located my copy! "It might well be claimed that it is as possible to tell a princess by the way she eats peas as by the way she sleeps on them. Certainly, eating peas is very tricky. In about 1830 it was done with a spoon; it has never been done with a knife, despite what some people like to think. There are two ways to go about it when eating with a knife and fork. One is to spear a couple if you can and then push a few more on to the back of your fork with your knife, but this is not a very pretty sight. The recommended method is to turn your fork over (do not change hands) and simply scoop the peas up, giving them a push, if necessary, with your knife. Afterwards, turn the fork back to its original position, tines downward, and continue eating." There is also an instructional diagram!

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Krista's avatar

This is so interesting!! thank you for looking this up! I always forget that not every country uses a fork like a shovel. I am also now wondering: have peas gone out of style? I don't think I've been presented with a lil' mounded pile of of peas in... a decade? two decades???

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Katharine's avatar

You are so welcome! It was fun to revisit the book too, though I discovered that the advice is available online now https://debretts.com/etiquettes/ Peas still seem to be in fashion here in the UK, especially for people with small children and those who still eat meat-and-two-veg style meals. I think most people do use fork as shovel but not when dining with the aristocracy!

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Susie Kezh's avatar

I have tried aaaaaaall my life to understand etiquette. My brain wiring is on a very different track. Plus, I was mainly raised by Grandaddy (born in 1895).

My wife (raised by Miss Manners herself) has been trying to teach me these “you should know these!” rules for 40 years.

I have begged her for 40 years to :

1. Show me where the rules are written, and

2. Explain WHY, why, why anyone would make up a rule like that.

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Krista's avatar

You know, I have literally never thought about who originally made up the rules! You make an excellent point, who is responsible, here???

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Susie Kezh's avatar

I have no idea who is responsible. My hypothesis is: if you find the OG “mean girl”. Or “patriarchal prick”, you will have the answer

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Kit's avatar

UK - in my opinion if you put it in the fridge it’s just for you to drink, and if you put it on the table it’s for everyone! As a host I wouldn’t want people leaving random bottles of stuff at mine either but that might be because I rarely drink.

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Krista's avatar

Oh interesting! I’ve never heard that before, and now that you mention it, I have seen this happen✨

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Våmmen's avatar

Taking the drinks with you when you leave is crazy, but I’ve also seen it, in Sweden. :(

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Krista's avatar

noooooo this behavior is spreading across the GLOBE??? it must be stopped!!!

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