Superlative Interviews: Chattin' With My Favorite Queer Writer On the Internet
An interview with Maddy Court
Helloooo! I’m starting a new series called Superlative Interviews!
These will be interviews where I’ll be talking to people who I consider “the most” or “the best” at something, or chatting with friends who are “my favorite ___[insert thing they are here]___.”
I’m not sure if I’m explaining this that well??? basically, everyone interviewed will be a regular person who happens to excel at a very specific thing. For example, in a few weeks, we’ll have an interview with The Most Social Person I Know, during which we’ll learn what it feels like to not want to leave a party after 15 minutes; to desire to be surrounded by large groups of people as much as possible. Wild!!!!
And today? We’re kicking things off with an interview with My Favorite Queer Writer On the Internet: Maddy Court.
Have you read Maddy Court’s work? If you’re queer, you probably have. (Even if you don’t know it!) Maddy wrote the book The Ex-Girlfriend of My Ex-Girlfriend Is My Girlfriend: Advice on Queer Dating, Love, and Friendship, and she’s written two zines that have, without exaggeration, made me cry laughing. They are:
Choose Your Own Dykeventure: Country Living (this one’s my favorite.)
Most importantly, Maddy writes an incredible (!!!) and popular Substack newsletter called TV Dinner, where she offers thoughtful answers to reader-submitted questions about queer relationships. She also hilariously recaps TV shows and interviews queer authors and gives us all hella gay life updates, usually complete with dog pics or a perfect meme.
…and speaking of memes, that’s how I was first introduced to Maddy’s work: memes, forwarded to me by friends, on Instagram, where Maddy goes by the handle “xenaworrierprincess” and posts original lesbian-themed memes that are so funny they frequently go viral. Maddy is a joy and a treasure and she has a lot of feelings about Instagram!!! and I loved chatting with her on the phone. I hope you like this interview💋💋
Krista: Hi, Maddy! Where are you talking to me from?
Maddy: Hi! I'm in Bethel, Vermont right now.
Krista: Wait, can I tell people you just bought a house? Because I’m excited you just bought a house.
Maddy: Yeah, we just bought a house! It’s like 30 minutes away. It’s kind of a fixer-upper. A handywoman’s special, you could say.
Krista: Ahhhh, congratulations!!
Maddy: Thank you so much. We've done so much more in one week of like, lesbian rule, than I think has ever been done to this house. When we got in there, literally every wall was a different color and Liz [Maddy’s partner] counted 14 paint colors and three different wallpapers.
Krista: Oh my god.
Maddy: So we're in the process of painting everything white, basically. There is a lot of navy blue and a lot of blood-color paint.
Krista: So your house was last painted in the 90s.
Maddy: Yeah. And everything that was already done kind of just feels like it was a dad who did it. Like a dad who didn't have all the tools, but he was going to try to fix things, anyway. He was like, “I'm not paying anyone to work at my house.”
Krista: I'm sure you're going to find so many surprises.
Maddy: Stuff is definitely weird. There's a pink plastic marble-printed tub in the bathroom and we’re like, “this is hideous and insane.” But we just have to deal with it, 'cause we don't have money to, you know, have a new bathroom right now.
Krista: Maddy, how did you get started as a writer?
Maddy: That's a hard question! Well, OK: Growing up, I had really bad speech impediments; I was in speech therapy from preschool through high school. So I think that I never felt very confident about speaking, and I would get teased a lot for my voice. I always felt more confident writing things down. But then I went to college and majored in English, and then I went to grad school for women’s and gender studies. And I really thought that I wanted to be an academic, and all of the writing that I was doing was on a semesterly schedule, where I was used to having finals week and writing big papers. And then I’d be totally burnt out and then not have to really write again until the next finals week. Which is not a sustainable way to be a writer! So I feel like my journey has really been going from these big bursts of writing to writing a newsletter every week, if not multiple times a week.
I think writing was just something that I always got a lot of positive feedback for and I knew I could do and really enjoyed. And when I was at the University of Wisconsin, at my gender studies program, I started taking fiction-writing classes. And that was when I think being a writer became more of an identity for me.
Krista: I love hearing about how other writers find out they’re writers! This is maybe a weird question, but when did you begin to feel comfortable openly identifying as a writer? Like, to other people?
Maddy: Not until after I graduated with an MFA. But that’s because I came to that MFA program in such a roundabout way.
I guess… I don't know; it's hard to say. I think I still don't really take myself that seriously. I know writers who take themselves very seriously and I think that that's beautiful, but I also think that that's a painful way to be in the world, because writing is such a path filled with, you know, rejection and pain.
Krista: And poverty!
Maddy: Yeah! There’s very little reward or even sometimes community.
Krista: That's one of the reasons I get so excited to talk to other writers: because I feel like there's very little community. We’re all just alone in our rooms, typing. And so it's amazing to meet somebody like you, someone who’s not only a writer, but also writes in the same sphere. Which is the sphere of gayness. The queer sphere.
That brings me to my next question, actually. When did you know you were queer?
Maddy: Not until college. I went to a women's college and I kind of put the pieces together, but looking back, I was like, pretty gay the whole time. But I didn't really know about lesbians until I went to college. I didn't have my own computer until I went to college. It was a different time. And in that era, I think that there were just a lot fewer resources on the internet.
So, I went to Bryn Mawr, and I was… very attuned to everyone gay on campus.
Krista: As in, “Hmm, why am I so interested”?
Maddy: Yeah! and then I started drinking and would make out with girls at parties. And I was like oh, this is really working out for me.
Krista: I need to tell you that I did not know that there were all-women's colleges until I was almost done with my undergrad. And when I found out, I was furious.
Maddy: Yep. I'm actually the first person in my family to graduate from college. And when I went there, I had never been; I didn't visit or anything. I randomly applied and I went there because of financial aid; I didn't know anything about it.
Krista: Wowowowow.
Maddy: I was a good high school student, but I didn't understand that I was not a big deal in the grand scope of kids who are applying to Ivy League schools. I literally just applied to every Ivy League school and got rejected from all of them. 'Cause I just didn't know. But I got into Bryn Mawr, so I went there. And then it's Bryn Mawr.
Krista: So what was the culture at Bryn Mawr like? What you were expecting?
Maddy: I felt really grateful to be there. It's definitely not a party school. It's more just, like, drinking in a room with five other girls. I’m very introverted, so that felt really good for me at the time. It’s a great place to experiment with alcohol because you can't really get into much trouble. I really was so clueless at that time in my life. I was 17 and when I went to college, I had never been anywhere – I had never seen mountains before. I'd only ever been to Wisconsin, Minnesota, and Florida. But we drove from Appleton, Wisconsin to Philadelphia, and we went through the mountains in Pennsylvania, and I was just going, “What?!” I had just never seen typography before.
Krista: That is a really good way to put that.
Maddy: I was totally shocked, because when you live in Wisconsin your whole life, everything is very flat. And you have no idea of what else could be out there.
At Bryn Mawr, I was having such a great time cutting my hair off and making out and going into Philly with my friends. It was so good. I feel very nostalgic for the Philadelphia of around 2010.
Krista: Is that how you became so steeped in ~dyke culture~???
Maddy: Ha, I guess? but it was a lot of things. After I graduated from college, I saw this exhibit called “Alien She”, which was like a riot grrl retrospective, with work from Allyson Mitchell and Miranda July and so many other queer and women artists. I saw that in Philadelphia, and I also saw it in Pittsburgh. And I knew I really wanted to go to grad school to study lesbian history and how it's remembered.
Krista: So that’s what you ended up doing?
Maddy: Yeah. I was studying lot of lesbian history at the University of Wisconsin.
Krista: Where did Instagram come in?
Maddy: Instagram. So: When I went to grad school, I deleted Facebook. It was the very beginning of the 2016 election, and I had spent so much time on Facebook in college; it was such a part of my social life. And I felt, I just don’t want to be on this website anymore. I started posting more on Instagram, but that was the nascent beginning of Instagram, when there were no stories, and you really only saw posts from your friends. And I was just like, Oh, I love this app.
Then I started making memes. I made my first one when I did a month-long volunteership at the Lesbian History Archives in Brooklyn. I was there over the month of December, and I was the only person there. They have a cassette collection that's literally turning into dust, and a lot of the cassettes aren't labeled. I was just at the Archives, listening to cassettes and then flagging the ones that had important things on them. So I had a lot of time; it was kind of a lonely time to be there. And I remember I made a meme about lesbians – which I’m sure I deleted – but something like 40 people liked it, which was so big to me. And I did another, and then I was just posting so many memes and having a lot of fun with it.
Krista: What kind of feedback were you getting from people?
Maddy: Mostly positive feedback, and that felt really good. I think at that time, around 2017/2018, people were really excited about Instagram. And they would share posts and just get really into them.
Krista: What are your feelings about Instagram currently?
Maddy: Instagram feels like a sad wasteland. I have a 14-month off-ramp plan right now and I sometimes feel really stressed out about what would have happened if I hadn’t switched to Substack. It makes you think about how unstable these platforms are. Instagram is very video-focused right now; it really prioritizes creators who are posting every single day. And I think that people, when they go on Instagram, are much less excited about it now. I think that it’s been a tool that I’ve used, but – like I said before – I'm very introverted, so it's hard for me to put myself on the internet like that.
Krista: Do you mean it’s hard to put yourself in videos on the internet?
Maddy: Yes! I used to post more pictures of my face and appearance, and I don't anymore, because it feels like a boundary I have to make, to make it all sustainable for me. People make comments about how you look, and that can feel bad, even when the comments aren’t negative.
Krista: I feel that. How does it feel to write what you write now?
Maddy: I’m trying to have a healthier relationship with writing, especially where I write now, on Substack. I want do it with more ease, because I often feel like I have to just constantly. be. writing. It’s a lot for me to post four times a month.
Krista: I now know from experience that it’s a lot to post four times a month.
Maddy: Yes! That's a lot. That's a ton. And in the world of Substack, though, that's not a lot. So that's something that I've always liked talking about in therapy: How to have a better relationship with getting the work done and then being able to put my computer away.
Krista: Do you feel like you constantly have homework? Like, do you have trouble relaxing because you know you always have something due?
Maddy: Yeah, definitely. But I try to remember that people who subscribe to my newsletter are doing it because they want to support me. And they're not getting a product. They're also not looking for a product. And they can always unsubscribe if they want to. I think that, for a long time, I thought of my writing as something that I kind of tricked other people into consuming. And I really had to work to push that mindset into one of “People are choosing to be here.”
Krista: What are some of the best things about writing your newsletter? I bet your queer advice mailbox is full of good gay gossip.
Maddy: Yeah, that's one of my favorite parts! And I'm so grateful that people send me questions because I can tell that they worked really hard on writing them and are being really vulnerable.
Krista: I’m positive they send you their questions because you're incredibly thoughtful and careful with how you answer them.
Maddy: Thank you. I also love how having my newsletter on Substack allows me to make a living from what I’m writing. I don’t think that Substack is the solution to the crisis in arts and media that's happening right now. I think writers are the ones doing Substack a big favor. But I also think that Substack is a very nifty platform that makes it simple to get paid for your work in a way that other social media does not.
Krista: What are some of the challenges for you as a full-time writer on here?
Maddy: It can feel really bad to ask people to become a paid subscriber. It sometimes feels like it puts a number on your work. I think in writing, I'm always trying to find a balance between taking myself so seriously that I become too wounded by rejection and don't want to do it anymore, and then not taking myself seriously enough, which would mean not putting myself out there or not asking people to become paid subscribers. This is a job that I show up to. And it's just about putting in the time.
But then there’s this other mindset, which is like “writing is something dependent on the phases of the moon and the music – it's totally magical, and I can't control it.” So the struggle is finding that balance between “it's a job” and “it's a magical outlet for me.” Does that make sense?
Krista: It really does. What's your dream life-scenario look like? What would you do if money didn't exist as a concept?
Maddy: I think I would have a chill farm. Because I love to garden. But I think farming – similar to writing – is a really unstable, difficult career path.
Krista: OK, but money doesn’t exist in this scenario. So, are you growing vegetables? Are you raising animals?
Maddy: It's whatever. I'm definitely not raising animals, but I have like 20 pit bulls.
Krista: Got it, got it. So it's like a vegetable-and-pit-bull farm.
Maddy: Yeah, it's for healing pit bulls who have anxiety and trauma. And I'm growing flowers. I'm growing pumpkins. No cows – I don't want to deal with livestock and their poop. And I don't have any kind of farm-Airbnb, because I don't have to. I think I just have a farm stand that I don't advertise, and that’s what I do. I’m not on social media at all in this fantasy.
Krista: I love your fantasy and I want to live in your fantasy!! And I’m gonna end this interview with the question I’m going to ask everyone: Do you wear perfume or scents of any kind? What are you liking right now?
Maddy: I’ve really gotten out of the habit! And my partner has a scent allergy.
Krista: Oh noooo! Wait, the last time I saw you, we were playing with perfume right by you guys! Why didn’t you tell me?
Maddy: No, don’t worry! It’s like “if it touches your skin.” So we have to use free and clear detergent, even. We're just conscious of scents on fabrics, because that’s the issue. I diiiiiid recently buy a bunch of samples from Le Labo. And I've been wearing them around the house, I think inspired by your perfume thing!
Krista: Yessss. Which ones are you liking?
Maddy: The corny one that everyone makes fun of. Santal 33? Yeah. That's what I've been wearing around the house. It's really nice.
Krista: Well, the reason Santal 33 became a mega-hit is because it smells fucking wonderful.
Maddy: It smells amazing! Also, I forgot to tell you that I had a job once where there were no scents allowed, and part of this job was clipping perfume advertisements out of magazines for my boss, because she could not smell perfume. So I would get a stack and I would help her.
Krista: I’m sitting here laughing at the thought of someone demanding you clip out perfume ads from magazines. Very Devil Wears Prada. Thank you for talking with me, Maddy!
Maddy: Thank you, this was so nice!🌈🌈
That’s it for the first Superlative Interview! Hope you had fun!
xoxo,
Gay Gossip Girl
This was so fun to read!! I found out about you & Moby Dyke via Maddy’s Substack, so now it’s full circle!
I’m surprised to hear that writing is so lonely! The act itself is obviously a mostly solo one (though imo collaborative works should be more of a thing, like This Is How You Lose the Time War), but writers on Substack are always mentioning each other and seem like they hang out a lot. Many authors also mention writing circles they’re in when they write their acknowledgements. I guess I was imagining a vibrant community. :’(
Also, the scent allergy thing is so real! I never know how to deal with that, aside from not wearing anything to a doctor’s office or crowded area. In you are two wolves: one wants to smell good, and one wants to respect others’ medical conditions. 😭
Thanks again for posting this awesome interview!